Happy

It is the end of 2024, and I’m perfectly happy. Who knows what my life will be like by December 2025, or even if I make it to the Summer of ‘25, but still, as of today, I’m perfectly happy. There is a strong sense that the world is not going exactly right (pun intended), and pretty much, when I leave the house, I feel the misery that lurks in every object I see. The dumbness of politics, the anger that swells up like a dead body left on the street, and the unpredictable weather that makes my weather app a joke. When I walk out and have the pawn of my hand out, I feel moisture; I know that it is raining. Beyond that, I’m happy.

My life is structured to the moment. Every day, I need to set the time to write or research what I’m writing about. A day without writing is a day that is useless to me. This is a sickness, and I’m sure most of you realize this as well, but the sole purpose of my existence is really through my writing. Other than that, I try to take care of the business around me and make sure the mortgage payments are paid on time, the credit card bills are taken care of, and our home should never be without food. And me being me, of course, I need to be surrounded by lots of records and books. In a manner, I’m preparing myself for the next pandemic, and I want to make sure I’m surrounded by things that will take my mind off the reality of such a lockdown. But even with all of that, I’m still happy.

The root of my happiness is that I never take life for granted. I accept the lows as much as I accept the highs, and at times, I don’t separate the two categories. Both are needed for a well-balanced life, and although I do hope for physical and mental health, if things turn sour, I will be happy. Why let misery or depression destroy my day? I enjoy my lousy mood days as much as the happy days. It’s a ping-pong ball game, with the ball bouncing back and forth really fast. It’s not if you win or lose, but how you play the game. The ball represents the pleasure and the horror; equally, it is crucial for one’s soul and well-being. The yin and the yang, as well as the colored M&M’s in a bowl on a table, are all good.

Hating Donald James Trump and his entire world is a hobby of mine. But enough is enough. I had fun the first four years, so I will let others take over while I reflect on the finer things in life, such as 1960s-era Rock music and books published by Evergreen (Grove Press). It’s not too late for me (or is it?) to collect the entire Evergreen catalog, which means I need to go to many used bookstores to find those titles by Alain Robbe-Grillet, Artaud, and Jean Genet.

The other thing that put me in a good mood was the film A Complete Unknown by James Mangold, who also did a Johnny Cash music film biopic, Walk the Line. I was in a movie theater to see the Bob Dylan film biopic and was pleased to enter a room full of senior citizens, the youngest of whom was probably around 70 or so. There were a few men with metal Walkers, and it was wonderful to be there with these people in a room with a giant movie screen.  Since the film deals with Dylan being a Folk god and turning into a Rock god, I expected one of these old folks would yell out Judas! Or be angry when Dylan shows up with an electric guitar, but it seems the entire audience was pleased that Dylan became a rock n’ roll star. Timothée Chalamet plays Dylan with great conviction and joy, but I do have to point out Edward Norton as Pete Seeger is perfection at work. The beauty of a film on Dylan, whether it’s a documentary or a work by Todd Haynes (I’m Not There) or Martin Scorsese (No Direction Home and Rolling Thunder Revue: A Bob Dylan Story by Martin Scorsese) and the classic Don’t Look Back by D.A. Pennebaker is always good, because Dylan is very much cinematic as well as musical.

I want to thank all my subscribers, those who subscribed for free, and the Paid Subscribers. It means a lot to me that you spend the time reading my writing but are also willing to bring in some currency for me. I need the dough! But beyond that, writing, I feel, is essential for the modern times that we live in. Reading and writing are vital for one’s sanity and maybe for the reader who needs words and thoughts as we go through the dark jungle and avenues. For those who are happy, I hope to bring more joy, and for those who dwell in darkness, I hope to bring light. But who knows, I’m a stranger here myself. -Tosh Berman