I Remember Memories

The photograph is of Wallace Berman (my father) in the center, and the left of him is Dean Stockwell, a family friend, an artist and a well-known, and actually wonderful actor, with a third presence of someone I’m not sure who it is. I found this photograph among my mom’s property when she moved in with us, during her last month on this earth. I returned to her apartment close to our home, took plastic bags, and threw everything I could in them. I wished I had done the same at my late uncle’s house, but I missed a box or two, and a dealer got his hands on some family pictures, and even Wallace as a teenager in front of Tempo Music on Hollywood Blvd. Once a dealer has his hands on one’s family images, forget it. I’m lucky to be the only one in my Mom’s household. Still, it was a sad series of days to go through the past.

I consistently look back on my life for inspiration and curiosity to know more. The one thing I know is that the past never stands still. Each piece of knowledge gives it another layer or texture; the story is never finished. Even though I’m old in years, it is still shocking to me that I don’t have parents anymore. Do I even need to have parents in this time and age of my life? Technically, no, but the heart and mind tend to think that it would be nice to have the presence of one’s parents around. Of course, one can get spiritual and say that they never leave you, but the truth is one is alone, and for me, the death of my mom made me feel alone.

I accept my loneliness or lone wolf identity because it’s a cloth that fits me well. I like spending time communicating with others, but that means more time on the laptop, pecking away at letters that show up on a screen and then sending them out to the world. It’s a one-sided conversation, such as what you are reading now, but I can imagine your voice responding here and there, and that is enough for me.

What I do have as consistent companions, besides my wife, are records and books. Here Are The Honeycombs Singing Have I The Right and Other Hits is more like a friend or even a family member. The music on this album is on the high end of being fanatical. The emotional desire and pull of their hit song Have I The Right always had a firm hold on my heart, and that caused my brain to think about why this work has such a strong presence for me. The songs are credited to Howard Blaikley, who are actually two songwriters who worked together - Ken Howard and Alan Blaikley. Those two couldn’t go wrong for me because they also wrote fantastic music for Peter Frampton’s first teen band, The Herd, and the consistently excellent Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich. The Honeycombs were always special, and I identify with the angst of their music. Decades later, I learned that Joe Meek was their record producer and part of the magic ingredient that made them unique.

So yes, the past is very much a living existence; it fades but comes back in a different light. Like a DJ, I remix these memories, and there comes that feeling of being there, but alas, it’s a new approach to that old perception. They, the memories, never went away but lingered over me like a fog produced in a 1940s Noir film.