Tosh's Journal: August 11, 2023
Marcel Proust, Alain Robbe-Grillet, and The Doors' "Roadhouse Blues"
The Golden Years do exist, but they are not an easy part of the time to live. We often think of ourselves as senior citizens as something more in a retiring mode, where we drift off to death quietly, and things become either simple or life-learned understandable. As someone approaching that time of life, I can tell you it’s the opposite. It’s sheer terror and consistent worries. If you are young now, I would hesitate to march into old age; Neil Young once wrote it's better to burn out than fade away." That, I’m afraid, is the truth. On the other hand, life is never dull. And aging is an adventure trip in itself, but one needs to study hands and mind to avoid not getting hurt on that highway to the end. It is more like The Doors’ Roadhouse Blues. To briefly quote the lyrics:
Well, I woke up this mornin'
And I got myself a beer
Well, I woke up this mornin'
And I got myself a beer
The future's uncertain
And the end is always near
If a bottle of beer helps you in this manner, who am I to say 'nah,’ but for me, reading is the map to maneuver oneself into a favorable landscape or, at the very least, an understanding of the road ahead of us. But don’t underestimate the journey here; I strongly recommend using a working seatbelt.
To keep myself sane this past year, I have been reading Marcel Proust, both books by him and about the great writer. At times, I feel he saved my life. Proust is, without a doubt, a journey within one’s sensibilities and how they see the world. I see his vision through his eyes, but it makes you think about what or how you perceive the world out there. And interestingly enough, I have picked up another writer of interest, Alain Robbe-Grillet. Oddly, both are similar, besides both of them being French writers. Proust puts a subjective spin on what he sees, and Robbe-Grillet states his narrative as one of facts, or more important, how the narrator sees those ‘truths’ within the narrative. Proust can see a table as a reflection of someone’s personality or even himself, but Robbe-Grillet sees a table for what it is, but the context of how it is placed in the room is of great significance for him and the story.
Interestingly, I have precisely 19 titles by Alain Robbe-Grillet and 19 books by or about Marcel Proust. I sense both writers have an interest in voyeurism, and I think that is a trait that a lot of writers share. To look behind a locked door or a window with a curtain covering the inside (what are they hiding?) is the engine that makes one return to the empty page or blank computer screen. I have been flirting about exposing myself more here on my Substack page. If for nothing else, to explore who I am and why I exist in such a way. As I get older, the answer seems far away, and writing is the only way to bring one closer to what one desires. The thing is, how can I articulate that desire to you, the reader?
