Tosh's Journal: July 1, 2023

And this is how my adventure begins: purchasing an Energel Liquid Gel Ink pen, manufactured by Pentel and made in Japan, and a black lined Moleskine notebook with ribbon. Sitting at my desk, facing my mother’s marble bust Jeunesse, and beyond that is a window facing a few of my neighbor’s homes. It’s 3:50 PM, and I haven’t done a damn thing all day.

The other day I had some painting done in my office space at home, and I had to remove my books from the area. There is no organization or system to my library except chaos, and I realized that if I kept it that way, there would be no reason to put an order in my life. But I’m at this point where I need to change, or surely I will die, if not by physical disease or being hit by a car while walking around Silver Lake, then out of a mental state that will lead me to stop breathing. So, removing the books was a good thing because it made me think of myself in terms of my library. I fully believe that a library or a record collection is an accurate portrait of its owner, both good and bad.

Since May of 2023, I have been obsessing over the works of Marcel Proust, and not only have I read the first four volumes out of seven, entitled In Search of Lost Time, but also various literary studies and memoirs/biographies on the great writer. Proust’s life is fascinating because I’m at that point where I have no desire to leave the house. A few days ago, I had a great manic fear of going through my books, but now that I removed them and put them in another room, I find myself engaged in exploring my reading tastes and obsessions for the literary page. Like Proust, I want to write the perfect sentence and explore my inner thoughts and world; in other words, to be obsessed with what is important to me, which is all me. And one thing I know for sure is that I’m an expert on Tosh Berman.