Twenty Steps
Hospital to Home, Sunday, January 25, 2026
I have been told that I will be back home on Tuesday. Then, six weeks later, I’ll come back to the hospital for a second pit stop for chemo treatment. So, I’ll be back and forth to Kaiser. I think that’s the plan. I get confused with the schedule for some reason.
Lun*na is excited to get me back home, and so are my friends. To be honest, I’m going to miss Kaiser. Home represents responsibilities, and although I should return to my headquarters, I have many issues to address. Before I left home for the hospital a month ago, I think I was near death. I wanted to sink into the couch and disappear. That didn’t happen because the doctor at Kaiser insisted that I go to the ER.
My memory of home is shaded with the feeling of getting sicker and sicker. I watched a lot of TV, and even the images coming off the screen were making me ill. I did walk around the house, but mostly bounced off from one wall to the next. Occasionally, I’d get stuck on a toilet seat at home where I couldn’t remove myself from the throne. I also sat at our round dining table, got up from my chair, and fell to the ground. Once I fall, I can’t get up. I had to crawl toward the couch, and I remember it took me half an hour to pull myself up from the floor.
The other tricky thing is I have to walk more, because the more time you spend in bed, the more your ability to walk kind of disappears into the mist. The main fear I have now is getting home safely from the hospital. I have twenty steps to the front entrance of my house, and I’m afraid of falling on the top step. Historically, I have fallen off that step because my right leg is either an elephant leg or a leg of concrete. It’s hard to balance on that leg, and like other times when I fell, I couldn’t pick myself up.
If you remember, the main issue I faced in September last year was GERD. I couldn’t stop coughing for months. But now that we removed fluid from my lungs, that might have been one of the causes of the cough. It wasn’t reflux or acid, but maybe the cancer itself revealing its ugly face.
So, life is not going to be easier at home. Hospital caters to one’s comfort and fears, and to be embraced by a series of nurses is really a beautiful concept.
Also there are these things called walkers (in England it’s called a Zimmer Frame, which is so much more elegant) and they really help to stabilize and support. Some of them have a seat so you can sit down for a rest while going along. I think they are an Amazing Invention and I hope Lun*nah can obtain one before they send you home. It will help so much! Sending love from Connecticut where we have 17 inches of snow in 7 hours and it’s still coming! ♥️♥️♥️
Do you have any friends near by to take turns helping you out with errands, housekeeping, cooking etc.? There are ways to organize chores and food deliveries etc. where your community signs up on line and shows up for you as needed. If you are low income you can apply for IHSS in your county, and home health aids will be sent to your home for however many hours a week you may need to help with basic tasks. This is a time that you will need all of your energy for healing, and these helpers will alleviate a lot of worry and stress. They can even go on walks with you if you need support to do that. If there is a social worker/discharge planner at the hospital, ask them to help you navigate this before you go home.💜